Unpolished, live learnings from a small business coach part 5: Goals and Learnings
Hannah Ray at Stories Sarphatistraat
Hannah Ray is a therapeutic career, life + small business coach. She holds space for people who want to develop a greater sense of understanding, trust and belief in themselves so that they can create their own version of success.
Every month, she shares something that she’s learning about right now. The aim is for her words to be as live, from the heart, and unpolished as her perfectionist streak can deal with.
As we enter the final quarter of the year, I want to share something reflective about goals.
I recently reviewed some of my goals from the start of the year. I saw that I’d met some within months, that some were still relevant, and some I haven’t achieved. The most interesting ones, however, were the ones that I didn’t really want anymore.
Let’s step back a bit though, because it took me a little while to admit that I didn’t want them anymore. I actually first felt a little pang of insecurity or disappointment when I re-read them. I then took myself on a little walk to really think about what this was about.
A big driver of the goals I had set was the context of where I was at in my business, what I felt would be deemed ‘successful’ by external standards (e.g. other people’s businesses, how it looked to friends and colleagues from my previous career, what my family might think) and also, how I felt in myself at the time.
When I look at where I am now, I’ve become more confident and comfortable with doing what I really want to be doing, rather than what I thought I should be doing, in order to get where I wanted to go.
For example, I spent a long time thinking I should be very active on Instagram and should create group programmes. I thought that doing these things would be the key to business success. This is mostly because I saw a lot of coaches around me doing this, and, of course, sharing how it worked for them.
The reality, is that, for me, I didn’t want to be thinking about Instagram at all because I don’t like it; I wanted my marketing to be quite automated; and I wanted to focus on making one to one sessions work as my main income stream, not group programmes.
When I look at those goals now, I realise they’ve served as something for me to push against, rather than something to work towards (as they were intended). I literally went the opposite way to them.
In the end, I suppose it’s worked out! And I do feel good about that now so it’s fine. But it’s made me think a lot about how to set goals well, and how we can stay connected to those goals as we make journeys towards (or away from) them.
So, some learnings:
Think about how you want to FEEL, rather than what it specifically looks like
You can do the same thing very differently. Do you want to work your butt off and burn yourself out achieving something? Or would you like to do it with a smile on your face 80% of the time and with lots of breathing space? Do you want to feel validated, or self-trusting? Do you want to feel bursting with excitement, or a solid, flowing sense of grounded-ness?
2. If you do have a specific vision of what it looks like, unpick it rather than taking it at face value.
Ask yourself what that vision is a metaphor for, what values it could mean are important for you, what it means is missing or not working well in your current situation. The vision is often a message to be unpicked and deciphered, rather than the thing we must follow step by step.
3. Leave space for your goals to move, shift and change
Blindly following goals can actually trap us in to thinking we have failed if we haven’t achieved those exact things. Yes, it’s great to get specific and set key markers of success, figures we want to earn, places we want to live. But when you start doing the work to move towards those things, and start to realise that maybe they aren’t what you want anymore and that other things seem more appealing, it can be difficult. Let you goals serve as journeys with multiple paths, rather than one way streets with no exits.
4. Consider WHY this goal is important to you. Is it because it’s what you actually want? Or because it’s what you think you are supposed to or should do?
It’s really fine to admit that something is important to you because you want to impress your parents or because you want to prove to society that you can do something. Let’s hold a bit of compassion for that. It’s called being a human. It’s also important to take a self check-in and look at whether that thing will actually be satisfying to you, personally, if you achieved it. Remember that you know yourself better for anyone, and if you don’t believe that, try noticing your gut instincts when you think about the various options or opportunities you’re dealing with. Your gut instinct will know.
5. Hold goals lightly.
In my opinion, goal setting is supposed to be pleasurable. It shouldn’t be this thing that shackles us or causes us stress. Good goals give us a sense of freedom and keep us tuned in to what brings us joy or satisfaction in life. So remember to hold them lightly. You can always cross them out, delete them, rewrite them, mix them together. They are yours and for your life, so allow them to be, and keep being that.
In the spirit of goals, next month, I’ll be sharing my end of year review and 2023 vision. If you’d like to discuss yours with me, you know where to find me.
